October 2022 – Jodi Livon

I’m not rising from the ashes…I am the ashes because I am part of all that is. And so are you!

I’ve been cut by the edges of life and felt wild with grief.

My body has undergone half a dozen surgeries in less than a dozen months and I’ve welcomed chemicals into my body I once viewed as poison.

My most dignified moment was when I used my voice and rescued myself from death.

I stood up and I am here because of it.

No longer do I feel wild with grief. I am cancer free, finished with chemo and surgery, and now with Herceptin infusions as well!

All of this fills me with deep appreciation!

I feel stronger and stronger every day and yet, sometimes I’m so afraid I’m not done, I‘m frozen in place.

There are moments when I see myself standing in front of a moving sidewalk and feel completely exhilarated so hop on!

But sometimes, I just stand there in fear because the sidewalk is moving too fast and I’m not up to jumping on. I’m not up to anything.

When the negative narrator within hijacks my story, things can go dark.

On the days when my energy supply runs dry & I feel my body cave under the weight of the fear of “What if the cancer is back” I have to be still. In my stillness I’m often able to quiet the voice within, summon my higher-soul-self and connect with the Divine. It is within that light, that I am free.

No one is immune to the dark and light of life. I’m even more convinced now than ever, post- breast cancer diagnosis that we can steer the wheel, pump the brakes, and hit the gas in life and all of that makes a huge difference…but we don’t build every road. There are some constructed long before we were born. Our job is to navigate and enjoy what we can of the ride.

So on this ride, love and be loved, forgive and be forgiven, and take a leap of faith over and over again. Grab the hands of those you love, feel the wind on your face and allow the light to lead you.