Hello exciting New Year and Hello New Moon Solar Eclipse! New moons always mean a fresh start and eclipses bring big, bold, new beginnings externally as well as internally. This new year starts off with a bang as our vision to see an internal side of ourselves and others is sparked.
The cosmos do not disappoint!
On this the first anniversary of my mom’s transition into spirit I am filled with memories of her. For most children their relationship with their mom is one of love mixed with salt and pepper. I’ve learned that all relationships can be bitter mixed with sweet.
For me on this day, I am flooded with contrasting emotions. I would love to say that I am so evolved that the memories are only of the last several months of her life, when things between us were the very best.
But as I sit here in my cozy family room with my dog sprawled out on my lap, I feel what it was like to be 14-years-old curled up and sobbing in my bed. In the weeks prior she told me I wasn’t a child she could mother. Back then, the way she felt about me radiated throughout the house. My awareness of her disdain colored my thoughts dark and suffocated my self-esteem.
Time has taught me patience so I now breathe, relax into how I feel and allow the feelings to wash away.
In my mind I am gently moving the tear-drenched-curls from my eyes and am telling myself a different story than the one I told myself back then.
Her rejection of me wasn’t really of me, it was her refusal of a part of herself. My mom was reacting to her own wounds. I deserved all the love in the Universe and received it through the kind acts of neighbors, relatives and friends.
As I tell myself a different story about what went down, not an untrue story but one based on a different perspective, my heart warms and I am able to feel the light I’ve been filled with for the last 40-some-years.
Because I allowed myself to freely feel (and write) I’m able to remember with love the wonderful conversations my mother and I had during the last 24-months of her life.
We truly cannot pick the memories that arise. For me, several of them have been surprising, but we can choose what story we tell ourselves about what the memories mean. And that saved me today as it has before. I’m now able to feel my love for her fully because I allowed myself to quickly clear, emotionally speaking.
I’ve been interacting consciously with the spirits around me since I was a teen and have literally read thousands of people. I’ve noticed that there is a rhythm to the soul’s journey as well as a theme.
The people who are the happiest are not those who have sailed through life seemingly tragedy-free. Quite the contrary, the happiest people are the ones who shine a spotlight on the good stuff without ignoring the bad.
So today’s theme for me is a reminder to focus on the happier version of my story. This way, I can honestly write a happier ending to my childhood. After all, it ushered me into my now, where I am loved, and safe, and wanted.
So now, I’m completely filled with memories of my mom smiling, talking about her beloved books while sipping iced-tea. She is radiant and I am peaceful.
It’s okay to miss what we could have had in our relationships with those we love as long as it doesn’t blind us to what we do have.
I’m not only talking about this, I’m teaching it. We actually ARE the authors of the story our soul unfolds. Let’s be conscious of this!
This process works so well for me I decided to share it! If you would like to hear more about writing a happier story-line into your life, join me January 16th for The Story of Your Soul! It’s an online Event! Register now & receive 50% off ticket price! Just use this discount code! ZVX9UY5V
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